I Ask Myself

I ask myself a thousand times what it means to love you.

I ask myself if it’s okay to be sad when you choose her over me.

I ask myself why I care so much.

I ask myself how I became this person who puts your needs above my own when you least deserve it.

I ask myself how in the hell did I let you deceive me into thinking I was someone you cared about.

I ask myself why do I value your opinion over the one who has helped me to become the person who loves unconditionally.

I ask myself how can I be upset with the part of me that cares so deeply.

I ask myself how come you don’t love me.

I ask myself why I give a shit about love when I’m only nineteen with a beautiful life ahead of me.

I ask myself why do I never blame you for making me feel this way.

I ask myself why I can never put my overwhelming feelings aside and hate you if only for a moment.

But

I never ask you why you pretended to care.

I never ask you what fun it is to see my genuine smile and know you’re only playing a game.

I never ask you why someone else’s happiness is a joke to you.

I’ve asked myself a hundred times what it means to beautiful in your eyes.

But

I ask myself why does it matter if I see beauty in mine.

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