Why can’t I always dive in? Why do I let fear stop me? Why do I go forward with such caution that it affects my experiences?
I have never been able to dive. I love to swim, but I fear the danger of drowning or the ocean swallowing me up. I seem to have difficulty diving headfirst into anything. Sometimes, it hurts me more not to than the diving probably would. Writing is the one place where I do not fear diving headfirst; writing is me at my most fearless and courageous. I use no caution, not worrying what others think, only expressing how I feel in a way that feels right for me.
It has been so hard for me to admit that I have let fear stop me from pushing myself to do my best in everything. I am not the most adventurous, daring person. I fear climbing or walking in rocky areas; my fear of heights and falling the cracks stop me from walking on jetties or rock climbing. I do not push myself to hit the triple pirouette in dance or to take the bigger jump in horseback riding because of fear of falling, fear of losing my balance. It’s never my instructors, friends or family that say I can’t do it, it’s only me. Those around me know I am able, I just let fear stop me from going to my fullest potential.
I may have fear of some things, but I dive headfirst into my writing. When creating this blog, I had jitters and butterflies about sharing it with others. But, I did it. I felt nothing but relief and satisfaction afterword. I shared the link on Facebook, receiving nothing but good feedback from friends and family. Writing is an outlet that is genuine to me and is me at my most brave and fearless. Now, it probably sounds silly, telling you of the positive feedback from essentially diving into this blog; I might get just as much of a positive feeling from hitting the triple pirouette or taking the bigger jump when riding my horse. I get it. I shouldn’t let fear run my life. Sometimes I wish I was less cautious, more daring and willing to be fearless in other elements besides a writing setting. But, I feel confident and courageous when it comes to writing on this blog. Writing makes me happiest.
Unlike the dance or horseback riding world, my writing and blogging world is not one where I am afraid to fall, afraid to be seen as fearful or less talented than my peers. I am confident in my writing. The writing world for me is one where I am willing to accept failures, accept criticism, and accept the fact that there are people who will be more talented than me; it’s not something that would/will scare me or dishearten my efforts. I take it as a challenge to improve from the writer I am writing this blog today.
Creating this blog meant opening parts of my mind and heart to not only my friends and family who take the time to read my blog, but to strangers as well. I try and participate in The Daily Post‘s one word challenge as often as I can, allowing posts to be found by other bloggers using the same pingback, and hearing their feedback. Sometimes it’s easier, exposing part of yourself to a stranger rather than someone who knows you to be a certain way. I admire those who can dive into anything, like the water, or something that might scare them a little. I have not regretted diving into this blogging experience, and I hope to soon find the courage to dive into other activities that make me happy and help me become more than the person who writes this blog today. Until that day comes, diving into this ocean of a blogging/writing world is enough for now.